


Altar'd Perception

by Edjumacashun



Category: One Direction
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Art School, Awkward Sexual Situations, First Meetings, First Times, Humor, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Virgin Liam, sexual hang ups, supportive boyfriends, talking about sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2018-09-03 08:27:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8705014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Edjumacashun/pseuds/Edjumacashun
Summary: Zayn finds himself uncontrollably attracted to a goofy, naive, lamb of a boy. As he tries to rationalize his way around this relationship, Liam throws his expections for a loop at every turn.





	1. Espy

Zayn first met Liam at a friend's house in early October. They were both attending a party there, though not together. Not with the same group of friends. Barely even on the same plane, really.

Zayn's first thought when he caught sight of the boy that had been haunting the edges of his vision all night was _who let him in this party_? He looked woefully underage, and the way he was clasping his drink made him look like he was ready for someone to ask him for ID at any moment. He seemed to have a permanent flush, and his smile was nervous and over-eager. Overall, he looked simultaneously desperate that someone talk to him and scared out of his mind that someone actually would.

On the other hand, Zayn had to admit he was cute. Huge dark eyes, plush lips, and a fit little body. His hair was a bit of a mess, and not in a cool way, but it gave him the impression of a soft little lamb. That was an incredibly apt description now Zayn thought on it; a cute, defenseless, wobbly baby lamb. Zayn suddenly had an unwelcome vision of the boy stage-lit in soft white light, lying, unassuming, on a bed like an altar, the vestiges of his white robe leaving him his modesty and yet begging someone to take it away. Zayn shook his head, not everyone was the subject of a damn painting. Besides, the day he painted something about _virginity_ is the day he would pack it in.

Any naive charm the boy had was eclipsed by overwhelming awkwardness anyway, which accounted for the fact that he was alone at the moment, trying to make himself look like he was having a good time.

Zayn wanted to go on ignoring him, even though he'd fleetingly caught the boy staring at him several times that evening. Unfortunately the host, and foremost gentleman, Niall, pulled him over to be introduced.

"Zayn, this is Liam, he's a freshman, we met in Music History. He's a real nice lad, isn't that right Liam?" Niall said, slapping the younger boy on the back so that a little bit of his drink sloshed over the edge and onto his shoe, though the boy didn't seem to notice. The stuff in the cup looked like coke. Zayn hoped it was coke. And that he'd poured it himself. And that he hadn't set it down anywhere.

"Y-yeah I'm nice," Liam stuttered, and Zayn had the absurd worry that the boy was going to swallow his own tongue with how nervous and twitchy he now was.

"I'm sure," Zayn muttered, trying for a polite smile. It must have been convincing enough because it made the boy, Liam, his brain supplied immediately, smile and flush even brighter.

Liam, he concluded, was _super_ into him. He wasn't being arrogant either, Liam was looking at him with stars in his eyes. He stuck out his hand, huge smile never leaving his face, so Zayn didn't have much choice but to take it.

"It's nice to meet you, Zayn."  
Liam's palm was really sweaty, but Zayn successfully fought back the urge to wipe his hand on his trousers, "Nice to meet you too," he smiled back instead, not even one of his charming smiles, but it had Liam looking as if he may swoon at any moment.

"Liam's a single pringle, just in case you were wondering," Niall said loudly, elbowing Zayn and making Liam's cheeks turn from pink to cherry.

Zayn hadn't been wondering; he'd honestly never seen anyone so obviously, almost painfully, single.

"Zayn is too," Niall supplied helpfully, "you two should do some chatting."

Then Niall shouted at someone across the room and left. Zayn could have throttled the Irishman, but Liam seemed downright ecstatic. Zayn smiled back a little, for some reason feeling like had to be nice to this boy.

Never having been good at small talk, or dealing with ...ardent admirers, however, he was looking for a convenient out within seconds. He didn't want Liam to think he was interested, after all.

"I'm, uhm, I'm a music major," Liam started, and Zayn had to admire the courage it seemed to take him to speak, "Niall said you're an art major? I'm surprised I haven't met you before."

"You been asking round about me?" Zayn couldn't help but tease, and he sort of loved the look it produced on Liam's face. From an artistic perspective only, of course, Liam was very expressive.

"Maybe a bit, yeah," Liam answered with a guilty little chuckle.

"Well," Zayn started, smirk spreading over his lips despite his best effort, "no need for that, I'll answer any questions you have about me."

He had no idea why he said that. He had no idea why he was still in this conversation at all. Liam's eyes positively sparkled though, his eyelashes fluttered charmingly when he looked down. He bit his lip and when he released it, it made Zayn focus on how plump and pink his mouth was. Zayn might have thought he did it on purpose if the next thing out of Liam's mouth wasn't, "So do you ever have to draw nudes?"

Zayn almost spewed out the sip of beer he'd just taken.

"Yeah, uh," he managed, wondering even more about this boy's social graces, "really only have to do it if you take figure studies, but I use the human form in a lot of my work so I use them a lot."

"Do you like it? Are the models hot or are they all old people?"

He usually just got his flat mates, Harry or Louis, to model for him, both of whom were quite hot, and exceptionally willing to take their clothes off. For some reason he didn't feel like sharing that information with Liam.

Instead he laughed and said, "why? you offering to take their place?"

Liam blushed and giggled so loudly that a few people looked over. Zayn guessed that would have embarrassed Liam even more if he'd noticed, but apparently Zayn held every ounce of his attention.

He was intent of hearing Liam's answer (while trying not to be) when one of his friends called him away. He was definitely happy about that. Although the disappointment on Liam's face as he made a quick apology and left made his chest tighten for some reason. He made sure to stop over and ask Niall to make sure the kid got home safely, but it didn't quite make the feeling go away.

•*•

The next afternoon had Zayn taking a smoke break outside the painting studio, enjoying the still warm weather, and not thinking about dark eyes and pink, anxious, lips.

Then he caught sight of the boy to whom those things belonged.

"Hey!" the curly haired boy greeted, jogging up to him, a ridiculously huge grin on his face, "Zayn right?" he asked, though Zayn was sure he remembered his name with perfect clarity, "we met at Niall's party."

"Oh yeah?" Zayn asked, pretending he didn't remember as he snubbed out his cigarette.

Unfortunately, the crushed look that passed over the boy's face had him backtracking before he could think better of it, "yeah, yeah, I remember, you're Liam."

"That's right!" Liam beamed at him, stepping even further into his personal space, "how, uhm, how have you been?"

"Since last night?" Zayn asked with a laugh, though he smiled to let Liam know he was teasing and not making fun, "pretty fair, not too hungover which is nice. It's good to see you looking so.. chipper."

Liam grinned, "didn't drink that much, and me mum taught me a great hangover cure."

"Really? You'll have to tell me sometime," Zayn said, making ready to leave before he could get sucked in any further.

"Would you, maybe, like to go out? With me?..."

Liam had asked it without preamble, without even the smallest amount of flirtation or charm. Zayn wondered if this was the first time Liam had ever asked that question. If not, he felt sure he knew what the answer always was. To his credit Liam seemed as surprised to have said it as Zayn was to hear it.

He took a breath, hoping he could figure out how to let the kid down gently but throughly, so that he could end this awkward acquaintanceship for good.

"Alright," he agreed, and had to physically stop himself from slapping a hand over his mouth.

This time Liam was the one with cause for surprise. This was certainly shaping up to be one surprising conversation.

"Really?!" Liam shouted, like his fondest wish had had just been granted, and why was that endearing instead of pathetic?

"Sure," Zayn answered with all of the ease he did not feel, "give me your mobile, I'll put my number in."

He could still get out of it, give Liam a fake number, or simply not answer, but he already knew he wasn't going to do either.

 •*•

Liam texted him the very next morning, which he'd normally think was embarrassingly soon, but with Liam he got the feeling he should be impressed that he'd waited that long. Zayn rubbed his eyes and opened the text. Ah, he was asking to meet for coffee. Today. In an hour. That sounded more like Liam.  
Zayn shouldn't say yes. He should make a polite excuse and go back to bed. Instead, he texted back _sure :)_ to which Liam _immediately_ replied with _:) :) <3_. And then Zayn spent probably ten minutes staring at his phone. Zayn didn't even use emojis. He was starting to suspect that the sparkle in Liam's eyes came from black magic and that the little witch had put him under a spell. It was the only logical explanation. For either of their behavior.

 •*•

Coffee with Liam was a nearly religious experience. Nothing the boy said was quite right. He was way too interested in what Zayn had to say, regardless of how interesting it actually was. His questions, which ranged from excruciatingly mundane to overly personal, had no filter, and no pattern. It was as if he wanted to hear literally anything Zayn had to say.

He offered information about himself the same way. He concealed nothing, didn't try to hide attraction to Zayn in the slightest. Though it took Zayn nearly the whole conversation to realize that the awkward, stilted compliments and the way Liam kept playing with the wide neck of his jumper were meant to be flirtatious. That was the only thing he did by design: flirt, and even that was with too much honesty and eagerness to be at all effective.

And yet, it was working.

People were not that forward with their feelings. They just _weren't_. For someone who must have had more than his fair share of rejection, Zayn had no idea how Liam could still be so open. Or maybe his openness was to blame for that rejection. Normal people, like Zayn himself, probably found that honesty to be strange. Certainly uncomfortable. And yet Zayn found himself drawn to it even as he wanted to shy away from it. To be overwhelmed by the second-hand embarrassment, even though Liam hadn't said anything truly embarrassing. He was just -- vulnerable. Zayn felt he could see Liam too clearly, and it made his cheeks heat up with shame. In his work he strived to show a human for what they truly were behind the mask they wore for everyone else, and yet when confronted with it in real life, he wanted to look away.

This frustration with his own discomfort made him want to press that honesty like an open wound. He wanted to question every feeling the boy had. He wanted to push Liam to the point that he'd close off, lie, hide his feelings like a normal person. Yet, at the same time he hoped Liam had no such point.

He wanted to ask Liam how he could be so enamored with him already, when they'd only just met, when he knew so little about him. Press that his interest must be nothing more than superficial, based solely on Zayn's good looks, that he was playing a game as fake as anyone else's. But that wasn't true was it? Because Zayn had spent more time talking about himself to Liam in one morning than he had to anyone else in what felt like months.

A bit of Liam's caramel coffee spilled onto his lip, looking sweet and gold as honey, and Zayn forced himself to watch Liam's tongue lick it off. Pull it back inside his mouth. Zayn swallowed the same time Liam did, as if he were the one swallowing Liam's honey.

"So, uhm, can we do this again? Maybe? I really like you a lot."

"Sure," Zayn smiled, and found he didn't have to fake it, "I'd like that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)  
> I hope to update this pretty regularly, maybe a chapter a week, but given my track record with updating, well, we'll see. Lol but I'll try my best!  
> (Also I promise I will eventually finish Moral Grey Area >->)


	2. Glimpse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On their first proper date, while worrying about Liam's maturity, Zayn learns more about Liam, and more about himself.

 

Zayn didn't have time to see the boy again until the next week, which Liam made very plain he was sad about nearly everyday through text message. Somehow that was cute rather than annoying. Liam wasn't any more charming through text than he was in person either. Same goofy sense of humor, same awkward flirtation, even gave off the same weird vibe of cheerful desperation.

•*•

When they finally met up again, this time at a quiet restaurant of Zayn's choosing, Liam hugged him as way of greeting. Liam hugged the same way he did everything else; with too much enthusiasm. It was too hard, it lasted way too long, it was overly familiar, and Zayn wasn't the hugging type even with his friends. Yet it made something ease in his chest.

As they were seated in a booth near the back of the restaurant, Zayn couldn't help but let his eyes rove over his companion. Liam was dressed up. It wasn't glaringly obvious, probably only due to the fact that Liam lived in the dorms, but his shirt was ironed, and he had a deep violet bowtie around his neck. Zayn wondered if this was Liam's first real date. Then he realized he just admitted to himself that this was, in fact, a date.

"This week felt forever long," Liam smiled at him, looking up from under his lashes where he had bent to let his tongue chase his straw into his mouth.

Zayn looked away. How could someone so _obvious_ intrigue him so much?

Zayn looked back, he watched Liam hum a little to himself as he read the menu, happiness seemed to radiate from the boy. Zayn admitted it was endearing. It was also a little bit callow. Liam was only two years younger than Zayn, but right now that felt like a large number.

The dim lighting in the restaurant didn't make Liam look any older. In fact, the yellow-burning bulbs gave a glowing halo to his lamb-like hair. Zayn suddenly felt like a lion.

He was on a date with this boy, this lamb. What was he doing here? He was in no position to be anyone's first. He didn't have the time or patience to treat a virgin right. A kid. Maybe not by age, but certainly by experience.  
Liam was vulnerable and that meant fragile. He shouldn't have agreed to this. He had been too hasty saying yes, too indulgent. Which of them he was indulging, however, he couldn't quite say.

•*•

"So," Zayn said, after they'd ordered, "How old are you? You're a freshman right?"

"Yeah, I'm nineteen. Took me a while to get into uni, I'm sort of a late bloomer I guess."

Zayn shook his head, "nah, I think people rush into careers way too early these days. Gotta have some time to figure yourself out first," he pushed some pasta around his plate, trying to think of an inoffensive way to ask about Liam's obvious lack of experience. When he could think of nothing better he went with, "But, uhm, sorry, I know you're not supposed to talk about past relationships on a first date, but, uh, what were your exes like?"

There, that was good, implying he had exes, giving him some credit, even though Zayn strongly suspected otherwise.

"Oh, uhm," Liam blushed, surprised at the question, "well, they were," Zayn felt himself slide to the edge of his seat, sure that this would be the moment Liam would lie, rather than admit to being a nineteen year old who had never had a partner, "uhm, I've never had a boyfriend or girlfriend. So.. uhm, I don't know. I hope that's not a deal-breaker. I know it's sort of weird for someone my age."

It was definitely weird. Sort of pathetic if Zayn was being honest with himself, and it was probably the least charitable thought he'd ever had about a person, but he could see why Liam had spent his life single.

Liam looked as nervous as Zayn had ever seen him, though he kept a small smile on his face, and the longer Zayn was silent, the better he could see the acceptance of one more rejection in Liam's eyes.

"It's not a big deal," he found himself saying with a shrug, "high school fucking sucks dude, like people only date each other cause they're, like, the only ones _available_. Ask me, the whole thing's a bit silly."

Liam made a happy sigh and then a giddy little laugh, and Zayn tried not to feel like he was leading this kid on just so he wouldn't have to hurt his feelings.

He found he really didn't want to hurt Liam's feelings.

•*•

Through dinner Liam asked him more probing questions, they talked about music and movies and the minutiae of college classes and despite all his misgivings about Liam's maturity, he once again found himself drawn to Liam's honesty.  
Liam hadn't said anything groundbreaking, unless you counted his opinion that Drake was better than Frank Ocean, and Zayn _didn't_ , yet Zayn was nearly fascinated.

•*•

"Tell me about your artwork," Liam said at a break in the conversation, "I've seen some of it in the gallery before. I don't know a lot about art, but, I don't know," he fidgeted with his straw, looking truly embarrassed for the first time that night, "I really liked it, it made me feel... like I knew a little bit about you."

Zayn's eyes snapped to Liam's. _Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter_. That was a quote by Oscar Wilde, and one that Zayn had spent a great deal of time thinking about. And being afraid of. He wanted his art speak for him, of course he did, being so inept at expressing himself any other way, and yet he'd felt his reticence at being seen every time he picked up his brush. He knew that that reticence showed itself in his work as well, but here was this boy, by his own account an untrained eye, catching a glimpse. Zayn wasn't under the illusion that it was because of the strength of his work, his friends had seen it, his classmates, and they hadn't seen what Liam did. Maybe honesty found honesty in others.

"Sorry, is that stupid?" Liam asked, with a self-deprecating little laugh.

"No," Zayn said quickly, feeling guilty that his silence must have made Liam unsure. He smiled softly at him, getting one in return, and felt a surge of genuine affection, "no, that isn't stupid at all."

Liam grinned, and Zayn felt closer to him, like they understood each other just a bit more.

"Uhm, there was one in particular," Liam said, his shyness coming back a little, "the one of the couple in bed together."

That was one of Zayn's more risqué pieces. Risqué only in the fact that it implied a sexual relationship. Otherwise, it was simply what Zayn felt was an honest portrayal of love. A couple the morning after, when the heat of the moment had gone and left behind tenderness. It was romantic. He hoped Liam wasn't one of those people overly offended by nudity.

"Yes?"

"It felt so," Liam paused, in a seemingly unconscious movement, his hand came up to touch his neck like the girl in Zayn's painting had been touched, "intimate," he whispered, blushing, "like you were touching me."

Whatever Zayn had been expecting, it wasn't that. He felt heat rise to his cheeks though he couldn't explain exactly why. Embarrassment for Liam? Discomfort at the implications of a sexual relationship between them? Or as Liam had put it, was it the _intimacy_? Liam showed himself clearly, and he saw Zayn as well.

•*•

Liam gave him another hug before they parted. Along with a kiss on the cheek, and a lingering sense of calm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw I in no way think that not having had a partner by nineteen (or onward or Ever) makes anyone the least bit pathetic or a loser. Zayn thinks that, in this fictional universe, cause he's not always as nonjudgmental and liberal minded as he thinks he is.


	3. Gaze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn gets invited over to Liam's dorm room. He finds being immersed in Liam's space a more trying experience than he would've assumed.

Zayn went out with Liam two more times after that, and each time they saw each other he found himself liking the boy more and more. Despite every effort to the contrary. There were still plenty of things he could find strange or unappealing about Liam; his sense of humor left something to be desired, he wasn't exactly what Zayn might call quick-witted, and his inexperience concerning.. the rest of the human population was at best tedious and at worst a torturous exercise in second-hand embarrassment. Still, he had a quality Zayn himself could hardly believe he found so appealing: sincerity. It softened all his perceived flaws into assets. If anyone else in Zayn's acquaintance talked as much nonsense as Liam, he'd label that person forever a dimwitted twit. When Liam did it, it was cute. Zayn liked that Liam didn't seem to mind not knowing something, because he was always more than happy to learn. Suddenly he didn't mind dating someone who had about as much sex appeal and experience as a peppy youth pastor. He didn't even mind the extra five seconds it took Liam to get a joke.

Somewhere during his time with Liam he had resigned himself to the fact that he did like the boy. He did want to date Liam. He wanted to be his first boyfriend (oh _god_ ), and regardless of how they ended up, show Liam the type of relationship he deserved.

He had decided this. Whether or not he'd live up to all that, he was less sure.

***

Eventually Liam invited him over to his dorm room to watch a movie. This being their fourth date and meeting somewhere with a bed, Zayn knew what he would've been doing with anyone else, with Liam he was sure he was just going to watch a movie.

He didn't mind. Between Liam's awkwardness and naiveté, he hadn't exactly found himself lusting after the freshman. Liam needed a slow, steady pace and plenty of hand holding, both literally and metaphorically, Zayn thought with a smile, before he could possibly be ready for a sexual relationship.

***

"Oh Zaynie! Hello! I uh," Liam pulled Zayn into his room, already blushing, "I didn't think you'd be here so soon, or I'd have changed," he gestured to his admittedly quite scandalous attire.

"Nah, that's alright," Zayn smirked, forgiving the nickname and forgetting he was actually here a bit late as he touched the boy's exposed hip, "'S nice, you look good."

And he did too, tiny shorts, low on his hips, and his ill-fitting jumper leaving plenty of his lower abdomen exposed. Zayn wouldn't have pegged him for slutty pajamas, honestly a onesie seemed more appropriate, but damn, he wasn't complaining.

Liam giggled, flipping his hair, doing this coy little shoulder dip as he folded himself onto his tiny dorm room bed. Zayn was a bit taken aback. He'd never seen Liam quite so.. comfortable before. It was a good look. Maybe almost, sort of, sexy.

The image of Liam on that bed, the one Zayn hadn't been able to shake from is mind since their first meeting, now had the tiniest of smirks on his handsome pink lips.

Liam patted the space next to him, and Zayn could have sworn Liam fluttered his eyelashes. He needed to rein it in, he was really letting his imagination get the better of him. He had expected Liam to be the one flustered by his presence in his bedroom, not himself. Especially when he had no intention of doing anything but watching a superhero movie.

He suddenly wished he could take a smoke break, get his thoughts back together, but that would be ridiculous, he and Liam hadn't so much as kissed, and all he'd seen Liam do tonight was sit on a bed.

He chided himself and obliged Liam's request, turning off the overhead before sliding as close to Liam as possible, and wrapping one arm around the boy just to spite himself.

Which, perhaps unsurprisingly, turned out to be not so great an idea. He grabbed one of Liam's blankets and threw it over their legs to keep himself from staring at Liam's thighs. He relaxed a little when Liam started the movie, laughing softly to himself as Liam grasped the hand Zayn had over his shoulder. Innocent. Inexperienced. Zayn doubled down on his take-things-slow policy and wondered at himself never being more attracted to Liam than right after deciding not to act on it.

He decided he didn't care to analyze this part of himself too closely, and chose to analyze Liam instead.

He'd never been to Liam's room before. It was similar to what he had expected to find, sure; cramped, a little cluttered as it contained all the staples of college life in too small a space, but tidy. There was a full collage of photos on the wall, mostly Liam's family, a few of some people he must have went to high school with, lots of group photos. The room was very clean, cleaner than he would've expected from a boy who had just left home. Overall, it was an extremely average room. Exactly what he would expect to find from any other freshman. Practically a cliche. 

But it wasn't. It was Liam's, and if Liam could infer Zayn's own inner thoughts and personality from his paintings, then he'd be damned if he sat in a room full of Liam all night and learned nothing.

He reexamined the room.

He started with the pictures on the cork-board. There were a lot of Liam with his parents, all smiling similar smiles for the camera. All genuine, so, Zayn guessed, Liam got on with both of them quite well. Liam was the baby of his family, and his sisters seemed to regard him that way. Protective, the way Zayn himself was with his own little sisters. He looked more closely at the high school photos. They were mostly group shots, also showing happy smiles, yet these were missing something important. Liam wasn't actually in very many of them. Zayn frowned, it wasn't as if he was surprised to find out Liam was unpopular in high school, but to be such an obvious outsider, with no discernible group of close friends was at the least depressing to look at. Zayn went back at a family photo, and was grateful, at least, for them.

He moved on.

Coming to it, the room was a bit _too_ clean actually, especially for someone who was obviously used to being babied by his mum. The answer hit him and he stifled a chuckle; Liam had cleaned up for him. The full bin confirmed his suspicions, filled to the brim with snack wrappers and tissues. Zayn smiled again, tidying up for a date, that was so precious, and so _Liam_ that it should have been immediately obvious to him.

Liam's books were all stacked neatly on his desk. A stack of notebooks sat next to them, meaning Liam had a notebook for each class. Zayn was never much for taking notes if he could get out of it, but Liam must be a diligent note taker. That, or it was simply a side-effect of being a freshman, all idealization and hope. Perhaps a mix of both.

Zayn let his free hand run along Liam's bedspread. It wasn't new, which was somewhat odd. Most people Zayn knew got a new set before coming to uni. That could mean one of two things, Liam's family wasn't quite well-off enough to buy them, or Liam had brought them on purpose, a small sense of home while he was away. Zayn felt certain it was the latter. He wondered if there were other comforts from home that had been put away for his coming. He grinned to himself, a teddy bear perhaps.  

Zayn nodded, confident in his assumptions that the room had provided.

One aspect, however, seemed to overshadow the other qualities. Zayn felt, uncomfortably, that it might be Liam's defining trait.

It was a single room. While Zayn himself would have loved to have never even heard the word roommate, he doubted very much that Liam appreciated having a room to himself. He could practically see Liam sitting in here alone.

Lonely.

He pulled Liam a little closer, suddenly melancholy in his empathy, and could no longer say he was quite happy about being a tourist to someone else's emotional state.

He reflected on the strength of someone who routinely seemed to make this his purpose, and found himself in awe. At their first meeting he had thought the boy shallow, easier to read than an open book. Simple. Now he was ashamed, because while it was true Liam wore his feeling on his sleeve, Zayn suspected that he would never understand Liam as Liam would understand him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay, chapter four is nearly done so I'll post that soon hope that makes up for the wait :)


	4. Ogle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn and Liam become Boyfriends™. Zayn finds their expectations as to what exactly that means are _quite_ different.

Zayn avoided meeting Liam in any intimate setting after their dorm room movie viewing. Ever since then he'd been over analyzing even Liam's slightest gesture, and the amount he'd interpreted as sexual proved to himself he'd started to see what he wanted to see. The addition of a bedroom would just exacerbate these problems and he was beginning to fear that given the proper opportunity he'd have that virgin on his back before Liam could even realize how deeply his public school sex-Ed classes had failed him.

There were other reasons for this self-imposed celibacy as well. He had a critique coming up and was therefore quite busy in the studio. This was the excuse he gave Liam, and he was glad it was at least true, if not the truly motivating factor. Though lying to Liam at all made Zayn feel like utter rubbish, so in effort to assuage his guilt, he'd invited Liam to hang out with him in the studio. He'd been nervous about letting Liam into such an intimate space, but it turned out to be a good decision. Liam was ecstatic for one thing, and his enthusiasm for absolutely everything kept Zayn from his predisposed cynicism, which was very helpful. Liam, it turned out, was a pretty good muse, and Zayn found he never worked faster or better than while Liam was visiting.

•*•

"So do you have any plans this weekend?" Liam asked from his place beside Zayn's work bench.

"Of course I do," Zayn answered, glancing up from his painting in time to see Liam's crestfallen expression. He chuckled and swiped a streak of pink paint on Liam's hand, "figured I'd spend it with you."

Liam laughed and didn't even bother to wipe off the paint as he celebrated, "Oh good, I was hoping you'd be free for a bit, you've been working yourself to the bone." Zayn shrugged, "I like to keep busy, but I guess I have been neglecting you," he grinned.

Liam's cheeks tinted pink the way Zayn knew they would and the boy fiddled with the edge of his textbook, "I did miss you this week, but I love coming to the studio with you, and I actually get a lot of work done while I'm here... I was sort of hoping this weekend could be spent schoolwork free though."

Zayn nodded, "I could use a break too. Actually, one of my ex-girlfriends invited me to a party if you- oh uh," Zayn stopped short at Liam's look of discomfort, "it's not like that, we weren't serious or anything, we're just friends now if you were thinking..."

"Oh, no it wasn't that," Liam answered, pausing for his next words, "I just- well I've been wondering what your past relationships were like. We haven't really talked about it."

"Huh, I guess we haven't," it seemed odd they hadn't discussed it considering Liam's usual lack of propriety concerning personal matters, "I wasn't trying to keep it a secret or anything."

"No, I didn't think that, I just wondered.. I know I'm not the type of person you'd usually go out with and I know you're a lot more experienced than I am."

"Hey now, are you calling me a slag?" Zayn joked, hoping to remove the self-doubt he could hear in Liam's voice.

"Not at all," Liam laughed, though his eyes stayed on his hands, "I guess I've just been wondering how I measure up since we don't- I've never had.. you know..."

Zayn hummed, thinking carefully over his next answer. It was true this was a new kind of relationship for him, most of his 'relationships' weren't even really relationships at all, just mutually agreed upon casual sex. Before Liam, he would've seen no reason to stop, but he knew that wasn't the relationship Liam would want. And it wasn't what he wanted with Liam.

"I guess it's true most of my relationships in uni have been based on sex, but I don't want to just sleep around," Zayn answered, "I don't want you to think I'm, like, messing you around. You're the only person I'm talking to."

Liam smiled, bashful again but no longer upset, "so then, you do want to be with me?"

"Yes," Zayn answered with a smile, laying his hand over Liam's and letting his thumb brush over the dried paint, "very much."

***

"Hey, ready to go out? One of my roommates is playing at the coffeehouse tonight, thought you might want to go," Zayn offered as greeting the following Saturday, as he picked up Liam from his room.

"Oh, that sounds nice, but uhm, actually I was hoping we could stay in? I just feel like we haven't gotten to be alone in a while so I was thinking maybe we could watch a movie or something. Ya know, netflix and chill?"

"Sure," Zayn said, laughing to himself as he took off his coat, he wondered if Liam would be embarrassed if he knew that when most people said 'netflix and chill' what they meant was have sex.

"The new Avengers movie just got put on if you want to watch that."

"Yeah, that's good."

Liam went about arranging the setup and then snuggled close to Zayn on his bed. Zayn wrapped one arm around him, kissed his curly hair, and settled into to watch Hulk smash.

***

About half way through the movie, Zayn noticed Liam getting restless. Which was fairly odd considering how much Liam loved Marvel movies. Not to mention it had been his suggestion to watch it. Zayn decided to ignore it, after all, Liam was fidgety most of the time any way.

By the end of the movie however, Liam seemed quite relieved it was over. Zayn expected him to pop up and make a trip to the toilets or something, but he just wiggled a little closer.

Liam grasped Zayn's hand, idly running his fingers over Zayn's, "we're dating right?" he asked without looking up.

Zayn thought about it for a moment. They hadn't even kissed. Easy way to change that. "Yeah, we're boyfriends."

Liam smiled his huge perfect smile at him, "then can I put our picture as my facebook profile?"

Zayn balked, but his _boyfriend_ looked so hopeful and happy what could he do?

"Sure."

"Yay!" Liam cheered, fishing his phone out of his pocket, "Oh man, wait till everyone sees what a hot boyfriend I have! They're going to be eating their hearts out."

Zayn scoffed at the boy's antics, but he could see the appeal of getting back at some of Liam's schoolmate haters. It made Liam gasp though, and apologize immediately, "oh that sounded terrible, didn't it? I didn't mean to make you sound like some sort of trophy- I don't just like you because you're super hot. You're really cool, and so talented, and smart, and you like batman as much-"

Zayn cut him off by grabbing his hand. God, his boy was so pure. "Calm down, I didn't think that. Trust me I've met plenty of superficial fucks, you're not one of them."

"Oh good," Liam said with relief, "cause I like you for lots of reasons," Liam added so matter-of-factly that Zayn felt his insides go warm.

"Okay let's see about this photo. Obviously I would love to have one with us kissing, but if my mum saw that she'd probably have a heart attack. So, maybe just a cuddle?"

"Alright," Zayn said, wrapping both arms around Liam and nuzzling against his neck, laughing along at the way it made Liam giggle.

He put on his best smug and out-of-your-league look as Liam snapped away. Fuck those dweebs for not seeing how special Liam is. Be jealous.

"Perfect," Liam chirped, taking one he was apparently satisfied with, and tapping away at his facebook profile until he was done, "ha, 'in a relationship'."

He turned in Zayn's arms and kissed him on the cheek, "thanks for doing that, it really means a lot to me."

"Don't mention it," Zayn answered with a smile, watching as Liam moved to set his computer and his phone out of the way on his desk.

"Uhm, since we're boyfriends," Liam blushed and gave a giddy laugh as he said the word boyfriends, and Zayn felt his heart melt a little, "would you maybe do something else for me?"

He was sort of worried at the rate they were going Liam might ask him to meet his parents. Given his track record, he was more than a little worried he would say yes. But Liam was staring up at him with those huge brown eyes, biting his plush bottom lip, doing that adorable furrowed brow thing he does and- oh, fuck it.

"Ah geez, I can't take that look on your face, I'll do whatever you want."

Liam's lips stretched into a grin, turning white where his teeth still bit into his bottom lip. Zayn desperately wanted to kiss away whatever slight sting might be left there.

"Really?" Liam asked, flushing beautifully, eyes sparking, "anything?" he giggled.

"I'm pretty sure if you asked me right now to get you the moon I'd do it, so yeah. Anything."

Liam's grin was blinding.

His eyelashes fluttered as he looked down, "so you would... mm," he laughed anxiously, chewing his lip again.

Zayn wondered feverishly what the request might be that had Liam so coquettish. Probably a kiss. Zayn hoped so, he'd wanted to kiss Liam for what felt like ages now, but he'd wanted Liam to make the first move. Make sure they were on the same page.

"You would rim me?"

 

Zayn's jaw dropped, his cheeks quickly heating up to match Liam's. Surely he had misheard. Maybe Liam had confused his terms. There was absolutely no _possible_ way he could mean-

"Err, pardon?" Zayn forced out.

Liam giggled again, a bit more nervously, giving a little shrug that had Zayn sure the curly haired angel was simply confused, "uhm, yeah, you know.. a rim job, that's what it's called right?" Oh, thank god he was conf- "like eat me out? Lick my... uhm." he trailed off, picking at his comforter like he was embarrassed to say _arse_ , like he hadn't just _ask for a rim job before they'd even kissed_.

Zayn was speechless. What could possibly say to that? What could he do? He certainly wasn't going to stick his tongue up this boy's arse, no matter how perfect it was.

"Uhh, Liam.."

"You don't want to?" Liam was bringing the puppy eyes full force, and the combination of that sweet, innocent gesture with the outrageously lewd request pushed an unexpected button in Zayn, but no, this was ludicrous.

"It's not that I don't want to it's just-"

"Is it too- you don't have to- we could do something else. Or I could do it you."

"No," Zayn started, desperately trying to get this conversation back under control, or at least in his usual realm of existence, since apparently they'd left Earth, "what I mean is, don't you think it's a bit soon to do something so intimate?"

"Oh!" Liam's eyebrows shot up, his face heating up even more, though Zayn was really starting to lose his grasp on what exactly Liam was embarrassed about, "w-well yeah, I guess it is," he answered glumly.

"I've never had a boyfriend before, what do you usually start with?" he smiled again, flicking his curls from his eyes, and crawled towards Zayn, "I'd love to have your cock in my mouth if-"

"Kissing!" Zayn shouted, moving out of range of this awkward vixen. What the actual fuck but he had not expected to be the one being seduced. God help him. "People usually start with _kissing_."

"Really?" Liam asked, and he seemed genuinely surprised, "like just on the mouth?"

" _Yes_ ," Zayn answered, incredulous, "what even-? Listen, starting seeing someone doesn't mean you just go straight to bed with them, it's not like zero to sixty, or at least it isn't with me. You work up to sex, okay? Like after you know each other, and definitely after you kiss."

"Oh," Liam said shortly, and kind of deflated, sitting back against his headboard. He looked confused and a little put out.

"And you won't be.. bored with just that?" Liam asked quietly, the same look on his face that he had when he thought Zayn had rejected him, "Because you said the other day-"

"Liam," Zayn gently interrupted, coming back to lay comforting hands on his boyfriend's shoulders, "I don't mind taking things slow with you. After all," he smiled, "you're not some casual fuck, you're my boyfriend."

Liam smiled back, cheeks rosy, and eyes sparkly, "then will you kiss me?"

"Yes," Zayn sighed happily, feeling a bit more on solid ground, "absolutely."

He moved up to sit beside the brunette, putting gentle fingers on the boy's chin to tilt his head when a thought occurred to him, "is this your first kiss?"

"Arlene Mitchell kissed me in sixth year, but this will be my first real one."

Liam was a complete enigma. Bold enough to ask for explicit sex acts, yet had never even been kissed.

"I'm glad I get to have it, I really do like you a lot."

Liam smiled one of his crinkly eyed smiles, and it warmed Zayn all the way through. Why did he like this awkward dope so much?

He leaned forward, bringing his lips softly against the younger man's; he wanted it to be sweet, like a kiss at a wedding. And it was, extremely proper, before Liam tried to stick his tongue down Zayn's throat as he clambered into his lap. Zayn grabbed his hair to try and regain some control but that just made the boy whine and press his hips down onto Zayn's. Zayn pulled back, sucking in a breath, having to forcibly keep Liam from attacking his mouth.

"Liam! Liam wait- God, just- hold on."

Liam relented with an unhappy sound, his hips were still subtly moving against him.

"Okay, maybe I should give you some rules." Apparently, he had to do _something_.

Liam made a sound between a whine and a growl, "I like rules."

Zayn bit his lip to keep from laughing or going mental, "not those kinds of rules, Babe. I'm not going to fuck you tonight. I meant what I said about taking this slow."  
Liam, honest to God, stuck out his bottom lip.

"I'm not even going to get you off, and you won't get me off either. I'm going to kiss you, and talk to you, and if you're good I'll cuddle you. And that's it."

Liam's eyebrows scrunched together, "alright," he agreed, though he looked quite vexed. He put his arms back around Zayn's neck, "let me stay in your lap?" he asked pitifully, "I'll be good, I promise."

Zayn gave him a look of suspicion but allowed it, wrapping one arm around Liam's waist, "first time you grind down on me and we're gonna have middle school dance rules."

"Okay," Liam answered, having a bit of a sulk, "but I can't help it if I get hard."

***

Liam did get hard, probably about 2 minutes into the kiss, but he kept his promise.

However, around eleven as Zayn was kissing him goodnight, he gave him one long, slow grind of his hips and an extra cheeky smile before closing the door.

***

Zayn's mind was buzzing as he walked home, trying to reconcile this new overtly, _obscenely_ sexual Liam with the innocent, angelic image he'd previously held. The Liam in Zayn's mental picture shifted position from one of leisure to provocative invitation, and yet his angelic air stayed the same as ever.

He had truly had no idea what he'd been getting himself into when he'd agreed to go out with Liam. Liam had surprised and proved him wrong at nearly every turn of their relationship. Perhaps he should just give up trying to presume anything about the boy, clearly he had no talent for it.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, pulling him from his thoughts.

Liam had sent him four snapchat videos of himself jerking off, Zayn being stupid enough to open the first one as he walked down the not-quite-deserted street, scaring one passerby with Liam's ridiculously loud moan. He couldn't help but laugh, turning the volume down, watching his new boyfriend's hand fly over his cock.

_Clearly_ , no talent for it. Zayn just sent a heart emoji back, shaking his head in defeat. Apparently he was the only person more absurd than the boy he'd just agreed to date, because, honestly, each new revelation had him liking Liam even more.


	5. Peruse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Zayn contemplates Liam's seemingly blind trust, and his own uneasiness about it, he begins to realize it isn't only Liam he's trying to protect by taking things slow. Liam also gets to meet Harry and Louis, or rather, they get to meet Liam.

Zayn was over early the next day, or what counted for early on a Sunday anyway. The night before he'd been too swept up in Liam's tumultuous sexuality to think on it, but in the morning he'd had time to consider how imprudent it was of Liam to send explicit video of himself to someone he'd only just started dating. So it was that he had a lecture on the tip of his tongue, the moment Liam opened the door.

"Don't be sending nudes to people you, Donut," Zayn said, first thing after kissing Liam hello, "what if I was some arsehole that sent them to all my friends?"

Liam just smiled back at him totally unperturbed, "but you aren't one of those arseholes."

"Yeah, but you don't know that," Zayn answered, shaking his head; no one should be that trusting. Liam least of all. "Look just promise me you won't send anyone any videos like that."

"Okay," Liam agreed easily, draping his arms over Zayn's shoulders, "except you right? You did like them didn't you?"

Liam's cheeks turned pink as he asked, looking every bit the self-conscious virgin he seemed to be. Of course, Zayn now knew how deceiving that look could be, and he chuckled. Bold enough to send explicit videos, yet he still needed reassurance about how well Zayn liked them. A strange combination and yet it somehow suited Liam perfectly.

"Yeah, I guess I did," Zayn conceded.

Liam beamed and pulled him in for a kiss. A kiss that almost immediately became frisky.

"Listen though," Zayn said, taking Liam's hands to keep them from roaming, "remember we talked about not taking this too quickly? I was serious. I'm your first boyfriend. You probably shouldn't rush into things so brazenly. Alright?"

Liam pursed his lips, considering this, "well," he said, after a moment, "out of the two of us, you're the one with relationship experience, and I definitely want our relationship to work, so what you think is best, I'm happy to go with."

Zayn tried to keep a frown from his face. Experience he had, yes, experience making a relationship work? Not so much. This left him with a nagging feeling of guilt.

"I just want your first relationship to be a good one," he said, to assure both of them.

Liam tilted his head, and the smile on his lips could have belonged to Mona Lisa, "I know you do."

Zayn, now feeling vaguely out of his depth, shifted the conversation.

"Did you have any plans today?"

"No," Liam answered, moving back to his bed, with an air that contradicted their earlier conversation, "we can do whatever you'd like."

"Uh, I think it'd be better if we go out," Zayn said with a slightly nervous laugh, finding it a bit difficult to look at Liam, "I was hoping you could meet my roommates. They're- actually they're sort of tossers," he laughed, "but I think you'll like them anyway."

"Really?" Liam asked, perking up, "Harry and Louis?"

"Yeah." Zayn had told Liam all about his friends by now, as Liam was prone to asking lots of questions, but they'd never met.

"I'd love to. Do you- do think they'll like me?" Liam asked, trying not to look as self-conscious as the question implied.

Zayn felt the air in the room change, and he smiled, feeling back on solid ground, "Yeah, of course they will. They've been nagging me to death about meeting you."

He kissed Liam on the temple as comfort.

Of course they'd love him, he thought uneasily, how could they not?

"Just uh- they're both huge flirts, and they like to have a laugh, so don't take anything they say too seriously," Zayn felt he had to add.

•*•

As he and Liam made their way to the cafe he sent a quick "best behavior" text to Louis as a precaution. The devil emoji he got in return made him frown. He wondered if this had been a good idea after all, now with the guilty feeling of not being quite sure whether he wanted them to like Liam or not.

He glanced at Liam, feeling even worse, and took his hand. He should be reassuring his socially awkward boyfriend right now, not getting nervous himself.

"Just be yourself," Zayn said with a smile he hoped looked genuine, "they'll like you. And frankly, if they don't, I couldn't care less."

Liam gave him a strange look in return, but then he smiled, "Don't worry, Zayn. I'm not scared."

•*•

"There they are," Zayn said, guiding Liam towards the pair with their heads together, seemingly whispering conspiratorially to each other. Which was the only way they communicated.

"Alright lads?" Zayn interrupted as he got to their table.

Harry and Louis turned immediately, eyes passing Zayn completely and landing firmly on Liam. Louis's eyes flickered to where they were still holding hands and then, finally, twinkling, met Zayn's.

"Liam, that's Harry, and that's Louis," Zayn explained somewhat stiffly, which only served to deepen the mischievous look of the pair.

"Well, hello there," Louis said to Liam, using his foot to slide the chair in front of him out for the boy.

Liam took it, smiling, and Louis completely missed, or ignored, the menacing look Zayn was giving them.

Harry didn't, but it just made him grin wider.

Zayn sat down across from Harry much less enthusiastically, regretting this. If he was a wolf to Liam, they were lions.

Liam grabbed his hand under the table, and Zayn did his best to keep the uneasiness from his face. Liam needed him to be supportive right now not wrapped up in his own head.

"Nice to meet you," Liam said, voice almost steady, grin just a little too big, "Zayn has told me all about you guys."

"Oh?" Louis said, raising one eyebrow, "Can't quite say the same," he continued, with a teasing lilt to his voice, "we could hardly get a word out of him about you."

"That's hardly new, though," Harry added, coy little smile on his lips, "we never hear much of his playmates other than the noises coming from his bedroom."

Zayn glanced at Liam, annoyed this was going exactly as badly as he should have expected, as Louis continued, "strange we haven't heard any from you yet."

Zayn felt his annoyance growing, glancing at Liam again, "Liam's not my playmate-"

He'd started to say when Liam leaned over and kissed him right on the lips. Throughly.

Normally Zayn would find such a public display of affection repugnant, instead he clasped a possessive hand on the back of Liam's neck and slipped his tongue between Liam's lips. Teasing or not, his friends needed to get the message that Liam was not some ordinary fling.

He didn't stop until Harry or Louis cleared their throat. When he pulled back, his tongue chasing the taste of Liam from his bottom lip, he felt quite smug.

Judging from the looks on their faces, Liam could surprise Harry and Louis too. For some reason that made Zayn feel so proud he wanted to kiss Liam again.

Instead, he just looked across the table with a self-satisfied smirk and slid his hand to Liam's shoulder.

"Zayn is my _boyfriend_ ," Liam corrected in the silence afterward, and Zayn chuckled fondly.

Harry and Louis were startled into laughter as well.

"Boyfriend? You certainly must be," Louis said, still laughing, sparing Zayn a glance before eyeing the boy admiringly, "I like this one, Zayn."

"Me too," Harry said, smiling with dimples at Liam and making him blush.

The tension was gone after that and they fell into discussion of college life. Louis and Harry asked plenty of impertinent questions, as they were wont to do, but for once Liam's lack of social grace came in handy, because he couldn't really tell when the pair was teasing him. So it was that Liam happily answered all their questions, and was quite cheerful by the end. Zayn too.

•*•

Zayn pressed Liam back against the door as soon as they'd gotten inside Liam's room, and kissed him senseless.

"You're incredible," Zayn breathed against Liam's still slack lips.

"I am?" Liam asked, dazed and breathless from Zayn's kiss.

"Yes," Zayn answered, and kissed him again, without further explanation.

"How incredible am I?" Liam asked, impishly, when Zayn finally broke away, pressing his hips into Zayn's.

Zayn laughed, putting some space between them, "not enough to get some."

He laughed again as Liam pouted, "but," he smirked, jerking his shirt over his head, "I guess you've earned second base."

Liam's mouth fell open as his eyes drifted over Zayn's torso.

"Christ, you're so hot," Liam said, stunned, looking as though he was a moment away from fainting.

Zayn huffed a laugh and pulled Liam back to him, placing Liam's hands against his skin.

"Your tattoos are so cool," Liam said quietly, examining each one.

A coy grin flashed over his lips before he leaned down to press them against the ink version of a kiss. Zayn couldn't have kept from smiling if he'd wanted to. He pulled Liam's shirt over his head, and let his hands show his appreciation of Liam's fit body in return.

Liam truly was a sight, and exceptionally responsive to every one of Zayn's touches.

He caught Liam's hand as it traced the edge of his heart tattoo just under his waist band.

"Second base stays above the belt," Zayn clarified.

"How much fun could that be?" Liam said with a bit of a sulk.

"You trust me don't you?" Zayn asked with a smirk, and he was only referring to the promise of sexual pleasure, so he was totally unprepared for Liam to look at him with complete sincerity and agree.

"Yes. I trust you," he said quietly, but it was loud in Zayn's ears. It made him shiver, a little of the uneasiness he'd felt earlier crept back in.

"Your nipples sensitive?" Zayn asked, trying to push that feeling away, as he flicked his tongue over one. Liam moaned and shuddered against him.

"Guess that's a 'yes'," Zayn smirked, walking Liam backwards to his bunk. 

He laid Liam out under him, intent on providing Liam the pleasure he wanted, to make up for the intimacy he couldn't.

But Liam, ever one to upend Zayn's worldview, cupped his hands delicately on Zayn's cheeks and whispered his name, and Zayn had lost the moment he looked into Liam's eyes. 

It struck him like lightning; the Baroque image of Liam in his mind collided with the one in his arms, and suddenly he was a piece of his of own artwork, on the altar with Liam, not viewing him from afar. They were together, and he could no longer see Liam through any type of lens, he could only see him up close, where Liam could see him as well.

Liam was so open. So vulnerable. He would let Zayn take him apart, let him examine every shining piece if he asked.

He kissed Liam again, when he couldn't stand to look into his eyes any longer.

Were those delicate, precious parts of Liam safe in his hands? The trust Liam had in him was as crushing as it was elating.

He let his hips rock against Liam's before he could think better of it. He couldn't help it, the overwhelming intimacy between them felt like a physical weight pressing them together.

Liam's mouth broke away from his own on a gasp, and so Zayn buried his head against Liam's neck instead.

"Zayn," Liam whimpered against his ear, "are you- I'm-"

"You can come in your pants or not at all," Zayn managed to say, to keep himself from saying anything else.

"I don't think that'll be a problem," Liam answered, voice trembling.

Sure enough, Liam quivered soon after, clutching onto Zayn, fingers digging into the skin of Zayn's naked back, and came.

Zayn didn't last much longer, something he'd be embarrassed about any other time in life, but not now. Now was perfect.

He moved so they were both laying on their sides, and let himself look at Liam's sweet, flushed, contented face while Liam still had his eyes closed.

 

"I'm not complaining," Liam said after a while, still rather breathless, "but did that count as slow? Cause if so, I'm really not getting the rules."

Zayn snorted, and didn't answer.

"I thought you'd be nervous," Zayn said instead, not opening his eyes, as he felt Liam shift against him, "meeting my friends. And those two didn't make it any easier for you. I thought I would have to be the one supporting you, but damn if you didn't prove us all wrong."

Liam's hand stroked over Zayn's, and Zayn met Liam's soft smile, "It's because you were with me," he said, looking somewhat proud, "it didn't really matter what they thought, because you like me. And if you like me I must be pretty okay."

Zayn laughed, and ruffled Liam's shaggy hair, to lighten the intimate tension he could feel building again, "you're definitely more than pretty okay."

 

He kissed Liam on the cheek and said goodnight and wondered on his walk home which of them he was really protecting with his no-sex policy.

•*•

When he got back to his apartment, he found Harry and Louis sat on the couch, apparently waiting for him, if the looks on their faces were anything to go by, and felt his mood sour.

"What?" Zayn asked with a long-suffering sigh.

"Liam is quite a precious little moppet, isn't he, Harry?" Louis said, grin spreading even wider.

"Oh yes," Harry agreed happily, "very precious. _Such_ a cutie."

"Ugh, here we go," Zayn muttered, dropping himself into the chair beside them, resigned for the ribbing he'd escaped that afternoon.

"Hazza, I think our _Zaynie_ is getting soft in his old age. Thinks cause he can grow a full beard he's gonna be somebody's daddy."

Harry grinned back, enjoying the joke so much his eyes were getting teary.

Zayn rolled his eyes and wondered if he shouldn't look for new roommates.

"He's not that young," he grumbled, though he knew it was pointless.

"I didn't know you were into twinks, Zayn," Harry said, proving him right by completely ignoring him, "I'm even more offended now that you didn't try to fuck _me_ when we first met. Or Louis for that matter," he laughed, making Louis punch him in the arm, "or Louis now."

"Oi, I don't have to take this abuse from someone that can't even grow proper peach fuzz, if anyone's a twink it's you."

"No, it's Liam," Harry said, making them both laugh out loud.

"Liam's not a twink," Zayn interrupted, "he's not any kind of stereotype."

Harry and Louis both raised their eyebrows at the fond look on Zayn's face and simmered down.

"Oh we're just having you on," Louis chuckled, "he's a great lad."

"Yeah, quite funny isn't he?"

"Even if it's not always on purpose," Louis teased without venom, "he has an air about him that I like for some reason."

"He's very sweet," Harry agreed, "companionable. Unpretentious. I like him much better than the people you usually bring home."

"A good pick for a boyfriend," Louis said, placing just enough emphasis on the word boyfriend to keep out him out of trouble.

Zayn gave him an unimpressed look anyway. Despite what his friends may think, the thought of being committed, _domestic_ even, with Liam didn't scare him. Just because he hadn't wanted it in the past didn't mean he was incapable of it.

"I know," he answered, "Liam's not like anyone I've ever met. He's special."

"Special," Louis echoed, contemplative, exchanging a significant look with Harry that Zayn didn't want to analyze.

"Yes, I suppose he is."

 


	6. Admire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite the bitter struggle, Zayn has never felt in control of the images he presents. He still doesn't, but he's learning that, whether people like it not, understand it or don't, he should still show them.

"You're worrying for nothing," Liam said, as he peered over Zayn's shoulder to see what Zayn was sketching.

"I know I am," Zayn sighed, readjusting his position between Liam's legs so that Liam could more easily see his drawing, "it happens every time, and it's not like I don't know I'm going to make a good grade, I just hate all the.. explanation."

Liam chuckled, "well, unfortunately, I think you're going to have to get used to talking to people about your art, because you're obviously going to be a famous painter one day."

Zayn groaned, "don't even mention that, I'm nervous just thinking about it."

Liam chuckled, and Zayn liked how it felt against his back.

"What?"

"Nothing, just- I know a good way to take your mind off your critique.”

Zayn rolled his eyes, "I'm sure you do."

"I won't break any rules, I promise," Liam said with that endearing sincerity in his voice, "I'll just- distract you a little."

"Oh yeah?" Zayn asked, turning slightly so that his boyfriend could see his smile, "and how would you do that?"

"Well," Liam began, seeming to be very seriously considering his options, "you're sketching, I could be your model.”

He wiggled his eyebrow, “Your nude model."

Zayn's heart seized up immediately. Drawing Liam? He could only imagine what would be shown in that drawing. Was he prepared for Liam to see how he felt about him? Was he prepared to see it himself?

“I don't know- are you sure you'd want to be so- scrutinized. And you have to be really still for like a really long time.”

“I'd love to,” Liam said happily, moving from behind Zayn and beginning to strip with alarming swiftness.

Zayn didn't even have time for another word of protest before Liam was standing unashamedly naked not two feet from where he sat.

"Well, then," Zayn said, trying not to be as awkward as he suddenly felt (Liam was the naked one for christssake), "uhm just let me-"

He stumbled a little while moving to sit at Liam's desk, not looking at what he was doing. He couldn't be blamed for that; Liam was beautiful naked, and the apparent complete lack of self-consciousness was very attractive, if not a bit surprising.  
Zayn realized, after the initial shock, that seeing Liam naked didn't feel new. He might even say it felt familiar.

"How do you want me?" Liam asked, all theatric innuendo, giggling as he got onto his bed.

It had seemed like camp anyway, until Liam performed the pose he apparently thought most appropriate; knees spread on the bed, hands against the wall, he arched his back and threw a ridiculously sexy look over his shoulder.

Zayn was going to have a stroke.

“Oh my God, Liam,” Zayn blushed madly, resisting the urge to cover his eyes, “I'm not going to draw you like that!”

“Why not? Is the lighting bad? I have a lamp,” Liam said, unperturbed, nodding towards the one on his desk.

“No,” Zayn laughed, using his sketchbook to block out Liam's lower half, “because I'm not drawing your arsehole.”

"Alright," Liam shrugged, though obviously not quite getting why he would be opposed, he turned and stretched out on his back, legs still spread in a wholly sexual manner, and his hand laying suggestively close to the beginnings of a hard-on.

“You know, nude drawings usually aren't sexual,” Zayn explained, now assuming they'd soon have to compromise on exactly how sexual this pose was going to be.

“But now you have a sexy model,” Liam grinned back.

“I'm still not drawing pornography," Zayn answered, willing his blush to go away, "try putting your hands next to your head."

“It's not pornography when it's your own boyfriend,” Liam argued, as he did what Zayn asked, "you're surprisingly uptight you know that?"

Zayn chuckled, conceding, though he would never have thought of himself that way before Liam.

“Bend you knee a little. That's good. Comfy?"

Liam nodded and let him get started.

"How are you so sexual?" Zayn asked, after a moment, genuinely curious as to how anyone, experienced or not, could be so forward, "You're the virgin, and you're making me blush."

"Just because no one wanted to do it with me doesn't mean I haven't thought about sex."

"I didn't mean it like that," Zayn answered quickly, immediately feeling guilty.

"I know you didn't," Liam replied fondly, and Zayn settled back.

"I've always been interested in sex," Liam continued, "with lack of other options, I just watched loads of porn."

Zayn couldn't help but chuckle at Liam's frankness, "that explains a lot actually, the vocabulary anyway."

Liam laughed as well, "I guess it does account for a large portion of my sex education. Maybe all of it actually, since they didn't teach at all about gay sex in school."

Zayn's pencil skidded on the page, and he thought of his wording as he erased the mark, "what we do must be quite different than you expected, huh?”

“In a way,” Liam agreed, “I watched porn, well mainly to get off,” he laughed, “but also to prepare myself on the off chance I ever got have any sex myself.”

Zayn opened his mouth, but Liam made his point before he could say it.

“It hasn't helped much yet,” Liam laughed.

Zayn grinned back, “and I’m afraid it probably won't. Porn isn't made to be realistic. And when we do fuck, I don't have a ten inch cock that takes an hour to nut so don't be hoping for that.”

“Aww,” Liam pouted, fake disappointed, “you mean you're not going to use your huge cock to come all over my face."

Zayn choked, “ I can't tell if you're serious or not, but no, probably not; facials are so fucking douchey.”

“Really? I was mostly kidding before, but they’re in like every single porn I've ever watched.”

Zayn laughed, “that's usually a pretty good sign something is mostly fictional. But, hey, we can try it if you want to.”

“I want to try everything,” Liam answered dreamily, and then thought better of it, “actually, maybe not everything.”

Zayn laughed, “definitely not everything, we’ll take it take slow, you'll figure out what you like.”

“What about you?” Liam asked after a quiet moment, with surprising gentleness, “What do you like?”

“You'll see,” Zayn promised, roguishly, before realizing he was posturing to avoid the question, “I'm actually pretty vanilla," he amended, "most kinks seem like an unnecessary distraction to me.”

"Does that surprise you?" He asked after Liam subsequent silence.

"Not at all," Liam answered, and when Zayn glanced up to check his expression, it was nothing but fond.

 

"I'm almost through," Zayn said when he could tell Liam was getting uncomfortable, adding just a bit more shading to Liam's legs.

"Oh good, not complaining, but I didn't realize it'd be hard to just lay here."

"Well you didn't _just_ lay there," Zayn said, gesturing to Liam's fully hard penis, as he put away his drawing supplies.

"You try having your insanely hot boyfriend stare intently at your naked body for an extended period of time."

"I would do something about that if I didn't have class in- shit- ten minutes," Zayn replied, letting his hand stroke up Liam's thigh while he kissed him.

"It's okay, if you had to take care of it every time you made hard, you'd never have time to do anything else."

"Rain check," Zayn promised, standing back up.

"Can I see it?" Liam asked.

“I-it's not really finished," Zayn stuttered, suddenly feeling shy. He stamped it down, "but yeah, of course."

He hesitated only a second before he handed his sketchbook to Liam, raptly watching his face as he studied it, but as usual he couldn't tell what Liam was thinking.

Liam looked at it for long time before speaking, “its beautiful, Zayn. Thank you.”

"I-" Zayn started, and he was going to say something self-deprecating about it not being very good, but instead he just said, "you're welcome," and took it back from Liam's proffered hand.

“I'll see you later okay? Text me,” Zayn said, kissing his boyfriend goodbye and trying not to rush out the door.

•*•

Zayn didn't learn much art history that day. He kept having, then resisting, the urge to take out his sketchbook and look at the drawing. He wasn't sure what to make of Liam's reaction to it.  
The image of Liam from his daydreams had become concrete, but it had little in common with his first conception. It wasn't baroque at all. It had more in common with Mary Cassatt than Rembrandt. It wasn't dramatic, and it wasn't choreographed, it wasn't grand. It was soft, bright and natural, and despite what Zayn would've thought, wholesome.

He actually hadn't been as focused as he normally was during the process, more interested in what Liam was saying than what his pencil was doing. Maybe it had come across as careless. Zayn didn't think so, though, he hadn't felt careless, he'd felt- well, he'd felt light, happy, suffused in the moment. He knew what he saw when he looked at the picture. His fingers itched to take it out again. He knew what he'd see when he looked at it again.

•*•

Zayn tried to calm his nerves, he hated how nervous he got. He was proud of his work, more this nine weeks than any other, he just didn't like having to explain it. His work should speak for itself. It spoke for him in a way he couldn't, that was the whole point of making it.  
Luckily, his professor could usually be counted on to do most of the talking, and was understanding of his anxiety.

 

"Please set them up from oldest to newest, if you don't mind, and bring out last quarters work as well," she said when it was his turn. He took a deep breath and did as she asked.

Her critical eyes took in each piece as he set them up. He found he was holding his breath when we was done, waiting for response, he could never tell what she was thinking by her face, and it didn't help his nerves.

After a long moment, in which Zayn appreciated that Liam almost never left him wondering what he was thinking, she said, "would you like to start of shall I?"

"I- uhm," he hoped he wasn't blushing, "you please, ma'am."

She nodded, and smiled at him, and he felt a little of the tension leave, "Zayn, your work this quarter is phenomenal. The expressions and body language are so open and warm. Almost vulnerable. It feels sincere in a way your previous work hasn't."

She examined each piece again, and Zayn fidgeted not sure if he was supposed to respond.

"I didn't even realize this is what I've been missing from your work, until I compared it to last quarter. Look," she said, gesturing to his older paintings, "do you see what I mean? It isn't only your technique that has improved. Look at the quality, at the tone, you've come to express."

Zayn could see it. He hadn't noticed either, while he was working on them, but it was obvious when they were all compared together. Which ones he'd painted before he met Liam, and after.

"From earliest to latest," she continued, "it starts quite cold, clinical, closed off. Useful qualities in their own right, but here they're too much like the staged photographs in magazines. We've talked before about your goals, about creating a true portrait, these are much closer to that goal. Gradually, the tone has shifted, to warmth, honesty. I feel like I'm looking at a real person, not a model, not a representation, a real person full of life and emotion."

"I hope you'll consider displaying them like this," she said, glancing at Zayn, making him nod helplessly, before continuing, "good. Viewed separately all the pieces are strong in their own way, but viewed together, I think that's how they really shine."

Her eyes swept once more, from beginning to end, and she nodded definitively, a soft smile on her lips, "it feels like falling in love."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you and I'm sorry


	7. Behold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn takes the final step with Liam.

As with everyone, exams were taking over Zayn's life, which meant he had little time to see Liam, but plenty of time to stew over the fact that he was in love with him. It wasn't that surprising, per se, when he thought about it, it had actually been glaringly obvious from the start that he was infatuated with Liam. Love though, that's where Zayn got caught up. He'd always been cynical about love, so cynical in fact that he probably would've never recognized it at all, had it not been staring him in the face through his very own creations.

Zayn could admit he found it amusing that out of the two of them, he had probably been the one to fall fastest and hardest. Love was a strong word to his peers because it implied commitment, it was a strong word to him because it implied trust. The possibility of mutual devastation. Faith in each other that it wouldn't end that way.

He'd never used that word with anyone else, and having shared so many of Liam's firsts, he found it fitting that now Liam would share one of his.

The revelation wasn’t as earth-shattering for him as it was paradigm shifting. He looked at everything differently now- not just his relationship with Liam. And it was good. Where once he would’ve discredited the very idea, in a vain and egotistical tactic of self-preservation, now he could admit that being in love truly could change a persons’ entire perspective. He wasn’t afraid, as he once was, and that was thanks wholly to the boy with whom he’d fallen in love.

 

•*•

 

With finals over, the relieved and celebratory atmosphere that swept the campus, took hold of Zayn as well. He’d done well in his classes, he’d worked through his feelings, and now, finally he had plenty of time to spend with Liam. He felt light, and when he accepted one of the offers to the many parties being thrown, he thought what a perfect opportunity it would be to take Liam to a proper blow-out- one the boy could enjoy- and show his boyfriend a throughly good time.

 

•*•

 

The night of the party Zayn wanted to make sure of two things early on: one, that Liam and he would be plainly together, so much that a younger version of himself would have found it obnoxious, and that neither of them would have too good of a time at the party to have a better one later on that night.

“Hey,” Zayn said when they were just outside the party, tugging Liam gently by the hand he’d been holding the whole way over, and giving him a rakish smirk, “don’t get drunk tonight. I’m gonna need you nice and sober for the main event.”

“Really?” Liam asked hopefully, as he pressed closer to his boyfriend, not trying in the least to hide how excited that made him.

“Yeah,” Zayn breathed against his ear, and added in a teasing tone, mostly joking, “may even get that rim job you asked for.”

Liam flushed scarlet, “We could go home now.”

Zayn laughed, that was exactly the response he’d anticipated. “Be patient, love. First a little celebration with friends.”

  

“Well, well, look who it is. The happy couple,” Niall said in way of greeting, eyeing the arm Zayn had around Liam’s neck, “you know, I think you owe me a thank you, considering I’m the one that introduced you two.”

Zayn only fondly rolled his eyes at the shit-eating grin Niall gave him, “thank you. I’ve said it before, you’re a treasure to everyone you meet.”

Liam giggled and agreed, “Thank you, Niall. You really are. I would have never had the courage to talk to him if you hadn’t introduced us.” 

Niall sipped his beer and smiled at them, “not even teasing, I’m glad you two got together. You both seem so happy.”

Zayn caught Liam’s eye and pressed a kiss against his temple, “We are.”

Liam smiled up at him, “yeah. We are.”

 

Music and conversation and raucous laughter buzzed around them, though Zayn hardly noticed. He had eyes only for Liam. Liam, who despite not losing any of his awkward tendencies, had none of the discomfort and nervousness he’d had only a few months before. Liam, happy, and bright, and shining beside him like a star. 

It was so different from the first party they'd been to together. Not together. He'd thought Liam a rube, barely willing to exchange pleasantries, now he couldn't be prouder to have him by his side. His life had become brighter. Better. Thanks to Liam. He could only hope that he’d had a similar impact in Liam’s life.

 

A few of his classmates spotted them midway through the party. Zayn liked them well enough, despite the usual pretension that accompanied fine art majors. He waved them over.

“Hey man, I saw your work in the gallery,” Jason, a graduate student, said, ”loved it, you’ll definitely make it into Professor Tillerson’s thesis study.”

“Absolutely,” Julien, who was Dr. Tillerson’s teaching assistant, agreed, “and it’ll be so nice to have you there. Tillerson can be a real pain in the arse when she doesn’t have a worthy pupil to focus on.”

“Yeah?” He was pleased to hear it, and tried not to look too smug, “Well, it’s all thanks to my muse here.” He wrapped his arms around Liam’s waist and kissed the back of his neck, sending Liam into a fit of giggles. He was sure he was making an obnoxious display. He didn’t care.

His classmates looked torn between amusement and discomfort, and Zayn didn’t care about that either.

“That so?” Jason asked, grinning, “Better keep him around then.”

“I’m planning on it,” Zayn replied, attention still mostly on Liam.

“And does he have a name?” Julien asked. “I feel like I’ve seen you around.”

Liam introduced himself. “I’m a music major, so you might’ve seen me in the humanities hall.”

“You should hear the pipes on this one,” Zayn said, “Out of this world.”

Zayn tried not to grin too big when he saw, peripherally, Liam’s face jerk towards his own. 

His friends fawning over Liam took the boy’s attention back toward the conversation. Liam seemed to enjoy the attention. Zayn thought he deserved every bit of it.

“My, a muse and a siren. Quite a catch.”

“You’ll harve to sing for us sometime.”

“Yes! What kind of music do you like? I bet Ed would accompany you on the guitar.” 

“Oh uhm, all types,” Liam answered, blushing, “I’m really- Zayn’s exaggerating, I’m nothing special.”

“Modest too,” Shirley praised, and put a gentle hand on Liam’s arm, “as long as I’ve known him, Zayn hasn’t been one to compliment someone that doesn’t deserve it.”

Liam flushed redder and turned his attention back towards Zayn, making the others coo at him.

“Well, I think we’d better leave them alone before Zayn has to shoo us away,” Shirley said to the others, after they’d exhausted their questions on Liam, “congratulations again on your work, Zayn, and Liam, it was very nice to meet you.”

  

Liam pulled him to a quieter corner when they’d gone. 

“I didn’t tell you about my recital,” Liam said, smile small, pleasantly surprised.

He’d actually only wound up there by accident. He’d been helping take down the artwork in the east gallery and had seen Liam in the auditorium through a door left cracked open. 

“What?” Zayn asked, tying and failing to keep from smiling, “you think you’re the only one with an amazingly talented boyfriend? You should have told me sooner.”

“I’m not that good,” Liam said shyly, though clearly enjoying the praise. 

“You are absolutely wonderful.”

Liam grinned bashfully, “it was just an oral exam, not even a recital really.”

“Nonsense. You were amazing. I had no idea, you never told me you were in a performance class. I probably should’ve asked.” 

“No I- it’s not the major I’m focusing on, I just- like it. I’m still pretty shy about singing in public.”“You have the voice of an angel. Honestly, you blew me away. Are you taking more next semester? Will you tell me next time? So I can come watch you?”

Liam flushed again, “ Yes, I am. I- you really don’t need to- most of the time they aren’t even full songs.”

“Please? I wasn’t kidding before, you’ve made a huge impact on my work, on me. I want to be just as supportive and helpful of you.”

Finally Liam nodded and kissed him once, more smile than lips, before dragging them over to join the group of people dancing.

  

Even for a college party, Zayn’s dancing with Liam was risqué. Frankly the only thing that kept it from being pornographic was Liam’s awkward semi-flaying dance moves. Every second he could, Zayn had them pressed so close together he’d be surprise if a slip of paper could fit between them. 

“What’s gotten into you tonight?” Liam asked, mouth close to his ear so that he could hear him over the music, and hands resting atop his own covering Liam’s arse. 

Zayn could barely keep his hands off him, and didn’t really care to, but he smiled a little shyly at being caught, “I guess I want to show you off a little.” 

“A little?”

“I’ll stop if it’s making you uncomfortable.” 

Liam all but rolled his eyes, “you’re kidding right?” 

He shrugged, grinning, “had to ask. Now I can’t be held responsible for making sure every damn person here knows you’re with me.”

  

"Let's get out of here, yeah?" Zayn said against his ear, hips pressed firmly to Liam’s ass, "go back to yours."

Liam practically bounced with energy as they made quick goodbyes to anyone they had to that stood between them and the door.

  

It was cold, but they hardly noticed, hurrying back, hand in hand, towards Liam's dorm.

 

•*•

 

Inside Liam’s room it was familiar and quiet, the world outside of them might as well have not existed.

He pressed Liam up against the door and held him there, just taking him in, committing every possible detail to memory. Perfect.

He whispered in Liam's pink-tipped ear as he pulled the boy's hips against his own, "how did I get so lucky?" 

"You can get even luckier," Liam whispered back and it made them both laugh.

"You're so single-minded," Zayn smiled, pushing Liam gently towards his bunk, "go on then, get on the bed." 

Liam made a happy squeal as he jumped on the bed, hands flying over the buttons of his shirt.

He was out of his shoes and trousers before Zayn could even make sure the door was locked.

"Undressing might be one of your super powers, seriously," Zayn laughed, pulling his T-shirt over his head. 

"Certainly not one of yours," Liam whined. 

Zayn rolled his eyes good-naturedly and hurriedly finished undressing before climbing next to Liam on the bed.

"Happy?"

"Extremely," Liam smiled, wrapping his arms around Zayn's middle and leaning in for a kiss.

Zayn kissed him back, and a second later he could feel Liam's hard cock again this hip.

"How are you so hard already?" He snorted, leaning back to look down at the tent in his boyfriend's pants. 

"Really want you," Liam said, moving to kiss Zayn's neck since he insisted on talking.

"Wait," Zayn started, and Liam gave an unhappy growl at the word, "I just-I want to tell you something before we do this."

Liam gave him a very put upon get on with it look.

Zayn let his fingers caress down Liam's neck and took a calming breath, looking into those dark sparkling eyes. 

"I love you."

Liam was silent for a long moment, eyes glistening before he dropped his head, and then Zayn could no longer see them. He had a brief moment of panic, before Liam faced him again, eyes sparkly and smile bright. 

“I know,” he said, wrapping his arms around Zayn’s neck, “I knew it,” he repeated, a little more strained.

Zayn was speechless for a moment, barely registering enough to hug Liam back. He hadn’t quite been expecting that.

“Did you just Han Solo me?”

Liam laughed, a beautiful, purely happy sound, “yes, I did.”

“I love you too, Zayn,” Liam said, leaning back sothat he could look at Zayn while he said it, “I’m so happy you told me.”

“I am too,” Zayn said slowly, and then, “you knew?”

“Of course,” Liam answered, beaming at him, and leaning in to kiss him.

“But, I didn’t even know,” Zayn said, not sure why he was stuck on that.

Liam smiled and kissed him again, indulgently, “I know that too.” 

“I knew you’d realize it after you showed me the drawing you did of me. I wasn’t sure you’d tell me.” 

Zayn didn’t know what to do but hold him tighter and hope that Liam understood how much that meant to him. But of course Liam would.

 

“You don’t think it’s too fast?” Liam teased, when they were both completely bare, settling his legs around Zayn’s waist, “not against the rules?”

“I think we passed too fast when I fell in love with you after less than three months. Probably past following the rules too.”

Zayn ran his fingers lightly up Liam’s bare thighs, one hand skirting just beside Liam’s cock.

“Actually, you’ve made me throw out all my rules.”

“You don’t need them,”Liam said, kissing him again and running his hands back up to Zayn’s shoulders.

He didn’t. He never really had. He thought, as he explored Liam’s mouth, even his interaction with the rest of world didn’t need the rules he’d forced on himself.

“I want to be with you,” Zayn said between kisses, feeling suddenly feverish with the admission, “all the way I mean, and I shouldn’t, really, you need time to be able to prepare for that sort of thing I know- and we haven’t haven’t even really- I mean all we’ve done is rub off on each other, but-“

“Do it. I want that too,” Liam answered without a moments hesitation.

“Liam-“

“I know what I’m asking. Really, I trust you Zayn, I know you’ll take care of me.”

“I will,” Zayn promised.

Okay, they were really going to do this. All the way. Liam’s first time. Zayn felt he should’ve planned better, have music playing or candles burning or something. But then, looking down at Liam, it being quiet enough to hear his breath, they didn’t need anything grand. Anything staged.

He got up to get the few things they would need.

He arranged the towel and the pillow, and Liam’s hips. Placed the lube and condom beside him. He leaned down and kissed him again before they started. 

“Might be uncomfortable,” he said, warming the packet of lube between his hands, “you can change your mind at any time, okay? Just tell me.”

“Alright,” Liam agreed quietly, like he was the one soothing Zayn.

Zayn kissed his chest and stomach and hip, and squeezed some lube onto his fingers.

He rubbed his slick fingers between Liam’s cheeks making him jump at the contact.

“Still cold?”

“No,” Liam chuckled, “just new.”

After he’d gotten Liam used to having something touch there, he gentle pressed one finger in, just up to the first knuckle, then out again.

“How does it feel?” He asked when he’d repeated the process enough to have one finger pressed all the way inside his boyfriend. 

“Good,” Liam assured, “weird, but good. Hot.” 

“It can burn at first- I should’ve let you do it to me first instead-“ 

“Zayn,” Liam interrupted gently, voice just a little strained, “stop thinking about how this could be better for me. This is exactly what I want. Exactly how I want it. Just be with me.”

Zayn let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding, “You’re right, I’m sorry. I’m here. 

“Talk to me,” Liam asked breathily, when Zayn started to press in with two fingers.

“You’re stunning. And you feel so good around my fingers. I can’t wait to be inside you.”

Liam moaned, low and hot. “I’m so glad it’s you.”

“Me too. I’m so happy you chose me. You’re perfect Liam.”

By the time Zayn judged Liam ready, his erection had flagged, laying mostly soft on his stomach, though the soft expression on his face reassured Zayn that he was still enjoying it.

Zayn slipped his fingers out and pumped Liam’s cock back to full hardness.

“You’re sure you’re ready for this?”

“Yes,” Liam answered, pulling Zayn down for a kiss, “Absolutely.”

“I’m going to go slow and gentle, alright? You tell me if it’s too much.”

“I will,” Liam said, clutching Zayn’s shoulders, “I promise.”

“I love you, Liam.”

“I love you too.” 

Pressing into Liam felt exactly as good as he knew it would. Finally. Together in the most physical way possible. It felt right.

 

Technique-wise it wasn’t his best, he’d had more creative, athletic sex, but nothing he’d ever done compared to this. It was true, love made all the difference. He could’ve come two minutes in and fallen off the bed, and it would still be better. Watching Liam’s face as he came was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen. Following right after him was only natural.

 

•*•

 

“Well, what did you think? Was it everything you imagined?” 

“It was so much better,” Liam sighed, readjusting his position against Zayn’s chest. “It was so real, you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I do know,” Zayn said, running his fingers through Liam’s hair. He’d had sex with plenty of people, but it had never been like this, not even during his own first time when he was nervous and vulnerable and over-eager.

“What about you?” 

“Best I’ve ever had,” Zayn smiled, “easily.” 

“You are.. so much more than I ever expected,” Zayn said after a while, petting absently at Liam’s hair.

“You too,” Liam agreed, raising his head kiss him on the cheek.

Zayn closed his eyes, holding Liam close, and breathed deep, even breaths. His tableau image of Liam was now complete. A soft, impressionist scene of Liam on their altar, happy, comfortable, and Zayn beside him, as open and honest as his love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Closure ◡‿◡


End file.
